AWmusic

Five Hole
noun. The space between a goalie’s leg pads, as in ice hockey.

I’m not even really sure where to start with this one. Everything about this album has the potential to be both wildly entertaining and so morally wrong at the same time. I don’t know about you, but as far as I see it that sounds pretty damn near perfect. What folk rock loving, red blooded, sexually driven, Canadian hockey fan wouldn’t be into something like this? The name of the album alone almost made me want to strip down to nothing but a Vancouver Canucks jersey (sorry Toronto, I’ve got to support my home team) and grab a Molson Canadian, before plunging head first into the Five Hole.

The opening ceremonies of this album commence with ‘Hockey Anthem’. What a perfect title. This introduction song, with rolling drums and harmonized vocals, makes you want to stand at attention with hand over heart. Lyrics of spending the night with a big balled hockey player and having him make you feel like a man… and this is just the beginning. The second track, ‘(Thinking ‘Bout Your) Five Hole’, starts with a mysterious calm as it eases you into soft female vocals with thoughts of how hard love is. All of a sudden a 180 degree turn takes place, the dancey pop-rock breaks away and deaks around sexual inuendo left and right and leaves you smiling as you thrust the air. The story of a lesbian goaltender is the basis behind ‘Joan’ and when a song starts with a twangy folk guitar and the lyrics “Give me a home where the lesbian roams”, you know you’re in for some good times.

Next comes an interlude of sorts. ‘Electric Goalie’ is filled with the cheers of the crowd and the moans from a low budget porn over top a sound resembling some acid trip induced carnival music. Of course my volume was cranked and I don’t want to know what my neighbours are now thinking of me.

‘The Squid and the Wayne’ treats us to a beautiful transition song. With a blend of uplifting harmony and droning lyrics, soft comforting sounds mixed with elements of an epic rock ballad; an almost hypnotic intoxication. Quickly you are dragged out of this state and body checked into the somewhat crude depictions displayed in the poetic delivery of ‘Five Hole Story’.

This band finds itself skating all over the musical map. A blendin of rock and a hockey commentator, ‘Enough About Men & Women Already’ explores an attempted outro with some form of suburban white boy hockey rap, but even as pure cheese it somehow works. I’d have to say though, the song that most stands out for me is ‘Bobby Wolf’. With it’s crunchy guitars and classy porn riffs, this song just takes me back to my first time hearing Mr. Bungle’s self titled release.

This gem of a debut album is the work of ex-Rheostatics Dave Bidini and Martin Tielli, along with Selina Martin, Ford Pier and Bary Mirochnick. It turns out however, the music is just a small portion of the Five Hole experience. In 2006, Dave Bidini published a book named ‘The Five Hole Stories’. A collection of six short tales, all fueled with the combination of sex and hockey (click here for a sample). In 2007 these stories came to life on stage with help from One Yellow Rabbit, a theatre group based in Calgary. Packing the same sexually charged energy and delivered with a comedic approach, this show is for what the music was originally developed. Listening again for second and third times, it really does become apparent as the stories unfold.

After some more internet digging, I was also able to find that this show is making it’s return on a small tour across Canada and there are plans for an animated motion capture film to be directed/animated by Cam Christiansen. For more info, further updates, animated tests and some short video clips of the live show be sure to check the Five Hole website.

This album will leave you satisfied to the point of needing a cigarette and a nap afterwards.

Tour Dates:

February 16: Jack Singer Concert Hall, presented by One Yellow Rabbit, Calgary, AB.
February 24: Yukon Arts Centre, Whitehorse, Yukon
February 27: Centrepointe Theatre, Ottawa, ON.
March 3: Grand Theatre, Kingston, ON.
March 4: Centre in the Square, Kitchener, ON.
March 5: Oakville Centre for Performing Arts, Oakville, ON.
March 6: Centre for the Arts at Brock University, St. Catherines, ON.
March 7: Charles W. Stockey Centre for the Performing Arts, Parry Sound, ON.
March 10: Rose Theatre, Brampton, ON

Listen:

The Five Hole Band – Hockey Anthem
The Five Hole Band – (Thinking ‘Bout Your) Five Hole
The Five Hole Band – The Squid and the Wayne
The Five Hole Band – Bobby Wolf

Tags: album